When Your Teen Says, "Get Out".... "Get In"

James, a student in our Redirecting Children's Behavior parenting class, grimaced as he told the group that he felt he was loosing his fourteen-year-old daughter, Brittany. He continued, "She either glares at me or rolls her eyes when I try talk to her." James was not getting the relationship he wanted with his daughter because he was either asking her if she got her chores done, telling her what she needed to be doing or checking up on her homework. (She was doing summer school due to bad grades.) Brittany was clearly saying non-verbally, "Get out of my life," and Dad was about to abdicate his parenting "powers" to his wife, Brittany's step-mom. What Dad needed to do was "get in" relationsh

Help! My Kids Are Fighting!

"My kids are fighting so often I just want to pull my hair out!" "They are supposed to love each other. I just don't get it." "I feel like I could be replaced by a recording yelling, STOP FIGHTING! (Not that it would do any good!) These are some comments I hear from the frustrated parents I coach sharing their feelings about their kidos fighting this summer. Speaking from experience, I know dealing with kid's fighting can be gut wrenching and exhausting. However, try reframing their fighting. Instead of looking at your kid's fights as an excruciating experience to be stopped, try to view it as an opportunity to teach them the essential life skill of conflict resolution... that may take awhil

How Not to Raise an Entitled Kid

Ten-year-old Amy's job is to clean the bathroom. She gets frustrated after giving little effort and says, "Why should I have to clean the bathroom, it's not fair!" Jason's job is to mow the lawn. He's got a test to study for and Dad is tempted to let him off the hook because Jason is not doing well in that subject. Sound familiar? The pressure you feel from your children may cause you to feel confused and insecure about your parenting. There are many compelling reasons why we are soft when it comes to our kids. We're often tempted to want to be their friend instead of their parent. In addition, it is uncomfortable to deal with the backlash we get from our kids when we stick to our values an

Why Are Dads So Important for Tween/Teen Daughters

Our daughter, Brianna, was laying on the couch with her ear buds on doing the typical teenage "thing." Brian, my husband started pestering her about something she hadn't done. Brianna rolled her eyes and continued to listen to her music. Brian's tone of voice escalated and I knew this was not going anywhere good. So I pulled my hubby aside and asked him what he needed. He thought for a moment and said, "I guess what I really need is to connect with our daughter. I miss her." (ahh...so tender) I gently asked, "Is what you are doing working?" He sheepishly shook his head "no." I asked, "What else could you do?" Then the next thing I saw brought tears to my eyes. He sat at the end of the couch

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Kathryn Kvols | Redirecting Children's Behavior

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