What Does it take to "Make Up" With Your Kid?

How Many Acts of Kindness Does it Take to Make Up for "Blowing It" With Your Kid?

Okay, so you blew it! You yelled at your child when you got into a vicious power struggle that didn’t end well. We have all been there, I assure you.

Have you felt the pressure to be the perfect parent? Like you are constantly being bombarded by parenting advice from friends, parents, social medial and articles like this one? It is all too easy to slide down the slippery slope of feeling the guilt of being a bad mom or dad. Typically nothing good comes out of feeling bad about your actions. It disempowers you and your child. You run the risk of doing “guilt parenting.” This often leads to giving your child too much power or giving them things you wouldn’t normally give them to assuage your guilt.

There is good news. Research now tells us that we can make up for our error by doing 5 acts of kindness or encouragement. Simple things like giving them a hug, smiling lovingly at them, watching them, telling them what you love about them, a sincere apology or making any loving gesture of connection. Taking action to repair your mistakes silences the guilt demons that roar in our head.

There are 5 things I love about this theory:

We don’t have to be perfect. To error is to be human.
It gives us something to do instead of ruminating on how awful we are and how we have damaged our kid for life or thinking that they are to grow up hating us
It is quick and uncomplicated.
It provides a good model for your child on the life skill of repairing relationships.
It makes both of us feel good.

You maybe questioning: “If I take my mistakes too lightly, won’t I be more likely to make the same mistake again?” Actually, the opposite is true. Research also tells us the more self acceptant we are, the quicker we make the changes we want to make.

Parenting Practice: Instead of wasting energy feeling bad about what you have done in the past, take action by giving loving gestures of connection now

P.S. This process works well in every relationship.

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The new edition of the "Redirecting Children's Behavior" book is now out! Click here to order your copy on Amazon or Kindle .There are a ton of new materials to help you discipline in a way that connects you and your child during an altercation. Wouldn't you rather that than you and your child walking away feeling empty, frustrated or angry?